Thank you so much for joining me for What to Read Wednesday! Please help me welcome authors David M Brown and Donna Brown. I think you’ll enjoy learning about their interesting release and reading their guest post. If you’re a fan of the feline family then check out their book The Bleaklisted Books : A Feline Central Book…which is a book about books…read on to discover more.
Take it away David and Donna…
First of all, many thanks to Christine Warner for the opportunity to guest post on her blog today.
My Gift to the World
Mr B: Please note that the following guest post was riddled with spelling errors and strange references to a gentleman named Eugene. I’ve edited the post as best I can to make it both coherent and less insane. If any of Charlie’s thoughts offend in any way then I apologise profusely because I know this very strange cat will not.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your beers, for I bring great news.
Firstly, an introduction. My name is Charlie. I am the feline equivalent of Napoleon Bonaparte but the difference between myself and the Emperor of France is I’m good at what I do. From the moment I first whacked a ball of wool with my kitten paws I knew my destiny was to conquer the world. To me, that ball of wool was the Earth and I its master. I’m not sure how the thread hanging off it compares to our own world but I don’t want to get bogged down in such silly questions of accuracy. The analogy works…sort of.
Back in 2012 my owners – Beard Face and Frizzy Hair – released a book entitled Man vs Cat. It was a scandalous read, trying to depict myself and my five brothers as pathological felines with more issues than Darth Vader. Beard Face went so far as to claim that we were plotting to kill him. I took great offence at this. Yes, I have long been plotting to kill him but not as often as he made out in this book.
Two years on I have decided that the world needs something better than the drivel that my misguided owners came up with him. As Christmas is on the horizon I decided to offer a gift to you all better than any Playstation, chocolates or bottle of gin. My gift to the world is a book, a very special book. It is unique in the respect it is a book about books. Bet you’ve never heard of anything like that before, right?
I like reading, I really do, but I have a big problem with the books you humans write. My problem is that they’re generally a load of nonsense. The only book I have no aversion to is George Orwell’s Animal Farm. That one I find inspirational but everything else is just badly written. I couldn’t find any other books I liked. I tried everything – Fifty Shades of Grey, Anna Karenina, The Lord of the Rings, Pride and Prejudice, and for my sins Ulysses - but none of them did anything to stifle my anger and disillusionment with human books. Something had to be done.
I decided to start bleaklisting these awful books. Bleaklisting is a complex process but basically I read one of your terrible books, summarise it and then offer my alternative to how the story should have gone. This isn’t me being a mean and evil dictator, as Beard Face would have you believe, but a sort of spiritual leader like Gandhi, the Dalai Lama or Charlie Chaplin. I found 25 books in all and collected them together to form The Bleaklisted Books. This is my gift. 25 of your most beloved books are exposed for what they really are and in their place I have suggested better stories, superior stories, that I think you will embrace ahead of the originals.
I know what you’re thinking. This is one crazy kitty but hear me out, minions, I mean humans. This book will change your lives. It will make you think differently about books. It will be an epiphany for you all, like the first time you discovered soap, fast food or Meryl Streep. Take this chance to change your reading lives forever. What better gift could there be at Christmas.
Mr B: Alternatively, you could agree with me about what a lunatic Charlie is. Read his book for fun by all means but don’t take any of it seriously. If you do, then I fear for you.
The Bleaklisted Books (A Feline Central Book)
Genre: (Non Fiction) Humour/Pets & Animals
Release Date: November 28, 2014
Length: 92 Pages
I urge you to embrace the goose-spell of Animal Farm and you will find sanctuary when our difficult war is over. I will add, of course, that given that conquering the world means a long, long, long, long, long war, I will permit you to read another book every now and again.
Just remember which books are bleak-listed; e.g. Barry Potterer, 100 Years of Silly Tudor, Prude and Perjury, The Hungary Olympic Games, The Chronicles of Nerdia and Of Mike and Ben.
In the meantime, here is a list of books I have vetted and will reconsider for approval if the appro… apprap… proper changes are made. Read this manyule carefully mini-irons.